Today, on Father’s Day I am thinking about all the people who did not grow up with strong fathers, or those with ‘overly strong’ ones…. and who, as a result, have to struggle to build internally supportive self structures in order to lead healthy lives.We know that children need ‘good enough parenting’: neither perfect parents, nor broken ones. If one is brought up by a ‘broken’ parent: one with alcoholism, severe personality disorder (obessive/compulsive/
narcissistic/overly involved and/or detached), depression or mental illness, without intentional therapeutic work, one will very likely pass these personality traits and coping styles on to ones’ children. Thus, there are many children, and adults, struggling to cope with a less than adequate internal structure.
Without internal support, that internalized supportive voice that whispers “it’s okay; you can do this!” or, “I know/trust you; you can trust yourself!”, we flounder. We may hear shaming voices, instead: “you aren’t good enough” or “who do you think you are?”. These voices assure us we are inadequate and unworthy of belonging, connection, love, success. These voices may be so strong that we don’t even have our own voice….
Today, on Father’s Day, give yourself a supportive structure to lean on, and into. Tell yourself you are worthy of love and belonging, just because you exist. Find your own Good Enough Father/parent Within!